Hey people! Did you miss me? Well I made it to Bakersfield last Friday, so I have been here a week now. I am sitting at Shelly's fave cafe so I could check my e-mail and blog and all that shit! I am kind of bummed today, and I am not sure why. But I have to try to keep myself busy, or I am afraid I will want to go home. Thanksgiving was ok. I went to John's, but they sat and played poker all day and I was pretty much the beer bitch.....but whatever.

The trip out here was good. The Sunday I left was terrible. I kept crying all day long. John kept telling me it was going to be ok....but I was just sad. My mom was ok until I actually left. Then I hugged her she started to cry, so I told her I loved her and I just walked out. I get teary eyed just thinking about it. I cried for the first hour or so. But I am doing ok now. I knew it would get easier. We left at midnight and drove all the way through until we got to Texas. Then we drove all the way to Arizona. We stopped at the Grand Canyon which was beautiful! My pictures look just like the post cards. I wish I could post them here. Then on to Vegas. We spend two nights in Vegas, and I had fun, but I was absolutely pissed off at John. See, he's a gambler and I am not. So he sat and played Blackjack, I went to the room when he started playing Texas hold'em. He didn't come back to the room until 8:00 the next morning. So waking him up was really fun! The next day we walked around, but of course we ended up back in a casino where he spent 5 hours playing blackjack! Needless to say I was getting pissed. I played the slot machines a little bit, but I didn't want to gamble the money I had to live off of. So anyway, when he finally lost his money he was wasted, and that started a whole other issue. Suddenly I had a child to take care of and I was not happy about that. I took him to get something to eat and I was just trying to keep him from spilling or knocking things over. The waitress came over and asked what we wanted and he simply replied, "Ranch", that was it. So I had to order for him. Then when he was done eating he got up and I should have known better than to let him go off by himself....but I thought he just had to use the restroom or something. A few minutes later I have the manager and a waitress looking at me. The manager asks me if thats my husband over there. I was like where is he. I get up and he is lying in a booth. So I start pulling on his arm trying to get him up, but he weighs quite a bit more than me, so that wasn't working out to well. So basically at this point I am extremely pissed off and embarrassed, and I am cussing him up one side and down the other. I was begging him to not embarrass me anymore. So then I get in line to get another room for the night, b/c obviously we can drive 4 hours at this point, and he wanders off to go to the bathroom. After five minutes I knew he wasn't coming back. So once I got the room I had to try and find him. Finally I found him. Turns out he was up lying in front of our room from the night before. Security was involved and all that. I was never so happy to just get him into bed where I knew he couldn't get into anymore trouble. But the next morning when I told him all this stuff he was pretty embarrassed. But not as embarrassed as me the night before. So that's my Vegas experience. I think next time I will just go with my girlfriends. Hope he doesn't read this. He might be kind of mad that I told all of you this! But oh well!

Ok, so I need to go do some job hunting! Talk to you all later!

Oh and Amy? Great that you have comments, but I couldn't get in to leave one. Might want to take a look at that. And next, get the links to everyone's blogs. It's a big help!!

Later everyone!

"We nurture happiness by recognizing all the beauty that surrounds us and by giving thanks for the many blessings we've been given."

That quote is in honor of one of my best friends Nikki.

Amy, comments. Simple. Call me and I can try to help you. But you need to go to template. But I figured it out by going up to help and typing in comments. It tells you how to do it. You have to copy and paste some stuff into your template. Hope that helps.

Packing isn't going too well right now. My room is a disaster and I have no idea what I am taking and what I am leaving. I can't believe I am leaving in 4 days. But I am going to Vegas for the first time and I can't wait.

My last day at work wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I thought I would cry and be all sad, but I didn't cry. I was a little sad to be walking out of that place for the last time. But I am moving on. Hopefully to bigger and better things! I can't wait to start this new adventure. I really think this is going to be a learning experience. And I have tried to prepare myself for the hard times, and the times that I am going to be sad and homesick. But I have my friends who are there, and my friends here. Everyone is just a phone call away.

"True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart."
Honore de Balzac

My day did not start off very well and it only got worse as the morning went on. First I woke up with this nagging feeling that I have so much to do and only a week to do it. So I was agitated from the get go, then I couldn't find my favorite black pants. And now thinking back these are such petty little annoyances when you step back and take a look at the grand scheme of things. Then the bar in my closet broke and all of my clothes are now lying on the floor. I get to work and I had left my McDonald's cup on this coaster that I colored with markers, and the ink ran all down my desk. It looked like someone killed someone on my desk. So I had to clean that up. But the worst thing today, which makes all these things look so silly is that a friend of mine lost her mother last night. When I found out I just burst into tears. I couldn't believe it. This was so unexpected. She wasn't sick and she was so young. And it's not fair. She and her mom were so close and I feel terrible for her. I just wish I could see her because I just want to give her a big hug and tell her that I love her. So I am just praying for her and hoping that she can get through this. It's just not fair. She shouldn't have to go through this right now. And I wish that I could make it better for her, but I know I can't. All I can do is be there for her. It's just so weird. I woke up this morning with no idea I would be getting news like that today. I was kind of in a daze for awhile. I called my mom and told her that she better never do that to me. So as if I was crying enough this past weekend, I got to cry some more today at work. I don't think I can cry anymore. Of course when I look at my room and all the crap lying around, I might cry. But that's a whole other story!

Well I guess I better get to work on sorting through my junk. Wish me luck!

I am exhausted. I had a great weekend, but I am worn out. My brother and sister-in-law were here this weekend with their twins, and daughter! Let me tell you that I admire people who have twins. That is a lot of work right there. But they are adorable, and I love them soooo much. So it was very beneficial to have them here this weekend. My sister in law helped me a ton. I guess I am just going to take whatever I can fit in my car and go. Once I get there I will either buy new bedroom furniture or figure out a way to get mine out there. But right now I don't want to spend the $1500.00 on a U-Haul. I have realized that I am a tad bit spoiled, and maybe a bit stubborn. This is going to be a great learning experience for me. Basically I have been coddled all my life, and I have been spoiled by my parents, and I have spoiled myself. And now I have to make all these decisions about money and what to leave behind and what to take. I need to realize that I don't NEED these things to live. And to have money when I get there is more important to me than having my bed. I have a week to get all this stuff done, and I need to get moving!

I am so excited to see John too! I can't wait til he gets here. I have realized that this guy has done more for me in the last 3 months than any guy ever has. He absolutely hates to fly, but he is doing it for me for the 2nd time in a month. I mean, he wants to drive across country, but he is doing this for me. He is great! Ok, well I am going to go sort through some more crap! I have 3 closets full of clothes I need to sort through! FUN!!!!

I guess there really is a time in your life when you find out who your real friends are. Real friends are supportive, caring, encouraging, and nurturing. Shitty friends are the ones who say "Ok" when you tell them you are moving 2,000 miles away. Every single one of my "real" friends has been so great about all of this. They all tell me that they admire me and are proud of me for taking this chance. To all my friends that have been there for me, I Love You! And thank you for supporting me! To those of you who suck, I don't need you, but you won't know that because you have no idea I have this blog. So shove off! Wouldn't most of you say that being friends with someone since kindergarten means SOMETHING? I mean I understand growing up and changing and all that, but life long friends should outweigh that. Maybe I am just naive....but I thought I had a couple good friends right here. Turns out all my good friends live in other towns and states!

I have another decision to make about my move. A U-Haul is going to cost almost $1500.00 and it would almost be cheaper to just buy new bedroom furniture when I get there. I do want to take my bed though. So I have no idea what to do now. I really like my furniture, but I also love buying new things! So who knows what I will do. I guess I will just see how much weight I can pull behind my car and go from there. I am open to any suggestions you all my have! HELP ME!!!

"It's easy to fall in love. The hard part is finding someone to catch you."

Ain't that the truth. You know sometimes I think relationships shouldn't really be that complicated, but when it comes down to it, they really can be. I don't really know where I am going with is, but I saw this quote and totally agreed. So that's it.

Today I realized I only have 4 work days left. It's starting to kind of freak me out. My friend Nikki made me a list of things I need to start doing. I made the mistake of telling her I haven't done a thing yet. She looked at me with that look your mother gives you when you didn't do something she asked you to do. I really don't know what I am waiting for. I would like to say I do things better under pressure, but I know that won't be the case with this. Maybe it hasn't really hit me that I am moving 2,000 miles away. But I did get a good lead on a job from my sister-in-law, so hopefully I can get a job asap when I get there. I am not too worried about finding a job, I am a good employee. Any company would be lucky to have me!

Hey all you people that read my blog, start leaving me some comments! I need some interaction! I have kind of alienated my friends here in town. Maybe I did that so it wouldn't be so hard for me to leave, but mostly it's because we just don't have the same interests anymore. I am trying to get out of here and start a real life where I am on my own, taking care of myself, while my friends are content being here, living with their parents, going out every weekend and getting wasted. That's really not so fun for me anymore. I guess I am just realizing that I am growing up, and that life is not a game, and it's short. I need to go after the things I want, they are not going to come to me. Wow, I am getting all philosophical tonight.

So I have realized that I am extremely paranoid and somewhat insecure about certain things and I really need to work on that. Last night I was thinking that J was avoiding me, or that something bad happened to him, but really it was just a misunderstanding. He thought I was going to call him back, and I thought he was going to call me....and it was this whole stupid thing. So anyway, I need to get over that, quick!

Today was a better day though. I am so tired all the time now because of the whole time change. It's dark when I leave work, so I just want to go home and lay down. I am stressed to the limit right now, and my way of dealing with it is by procrastinating. I should be doing things, like packing some stuff, or calling about U-Hauls, and planning a route. But I am overwhelmed by this whole thing, so my way of dealing is by pushing it aside and avoiding it. Ugh! I just don't know what I am doing. Then tonight my Dad starts going on about money, and asking me how much money I have. I don't know what he and my mom have talked about, but obviously he doesn't know she is going to help me. But anyway, my stomach has been in knots lately. I just wish I was there already.

I talked to my sister-in-law last night and she and my brother are going to come up this weekend so I can see the twins before I leave. That will be a gut wrenching experience. I love those little guys so much! I know I will miss all my nephews and nieces terribly. Ok, I gotta stop now, I am getting all misty!!

"Having a calm mind is being able to choose how to react."

So I was at Wal-Mart on my lunch today, and I saw the freakiest thing. Ready for this....? A man dressed as a woman. Now a lot of times these men usually look better than us women, but not this one. He looked like he only put half the effort into it, ya know because he was just running to Wal-Mart or whatever. But when I saw him/her I did a double take. I didn't want to stare, but I needed to see this. He still had kind of a five o'clock shadow thing going on, and he was probably a good 6 feet tall. And he had this red tank dress on with boots that did not match. So I practically ran to find my friend Donna so she could look at him. He kind of resembled Howard Stern a little bit. Then we found my other friend Bobbi and I sent her over to see him/her as well! Ok so the kicker is that I saw this person in this small town of Ottawa, in Wal-Mart. Now if I was in Chicago I wouldn't be shocked at all, but this was just weird. But it cheered me up because I was in a foul mood today. I think it's just really bad PMS, and the fact that I haven't talked to J since Saturday. But that's a whole different story. He says it's hard for him to talk to me because it makes him miss me, but not talking to him makes me miss him. It kind of sucks! But hopefully that will all change in a couple weeks. I am actually kind of worried because it's really not like him to not return my calls. And of course my mind starts wandering. Did he get into some kind of car accident, does he not want to talk to me anymore....what?? I guess I just have to wait it out! Whatever!

I feel so overwhelmed and on edge today. I don't know exactly why. I think there is a combination of things. I just got this feeling today like I am really hurting my mom by moving so far away. She has just been different since I told her I put in my notice at work. I feel guilty, like I am breaking her heart, and that is breaking my heart. But I just need to remember that I have to things for myself. And my mom knows that, she just wishes I wouldn't go so far away. But I really feel like this is the right decision. The only downfall is being away from my family. But plane tickets are cheap when you book in advance. Everything will be fine! I am just a huge ball of nerves right now. I get thinking and I start to feel like I could throw up....hopefully that will pass.

So on to a lighter note. I had a great time Friday night. It was fun going out all dressed up. But my friend Laura told me I looked like a drag queen from the back. Probably because I had 3 inch boots on. So I was probably a good 5'9" or 5'10" in the boots. But it was just fun. We did get some free drinks, and I can't wait to get my pictures back. I wish I could post them on here for you all to see. My friend Jenny dressed up as a toilet. It was just hilarious! I haven't that much fun in a long time.